Mental Disorder My Blessed Desert

I finally understand!

I really do not know if I would've preferred it, nor am I holding you accountable for my own shortcomings.

But surely now I get it..

I've seen your hand and blessing through & with the desert.

How else would I've learned to trust in you,

Without ever feeling uncertain?

How would I've ever learned to rely on you,

If I would've never felt helpless?

How would I've ever truly found you,

Without getting lost first?

What other way to discover the true source,

Than by remaining in scarcity after chasing the resource?

How else would I recognize your voice,

Without listening to the others?

Would I know the truth without first living a lie?

How can I experience your power,

If my weakness is not revealed first?

Is there a better way to experience your presence,

Than through those moments of loneliness?

Would you have received all the glory? Or would I try to part-take in it if things would make sense logically?

Would I've known you as provider without the need for provision?

Would I experience you as my protector without the probability of perishing?

Would I recognize you as my King without surrender?

And would I've surrendered without first losing control?

Would I've seen you as my guide without confusion?

Would I be so assured that you're with me without the strive & conflict?

Could I try to build upon your kingdom without mine being broken down first?

Would I come to you for strength without first feeling puny?

Would I rely on my strength other than on your spirit?

Would I've kept prioritizing Men's praise above your Glory?

What other way to achieve humility than through being humbled?

How choose faith if fear is not an option?

There's no need for a savior in perpetual safety.

No need to depend on independence.

No need for redemption in self-sufficiency.

No need for healing without being wounded.

Lord your ways are not my ways,

And surely your thoughts are higher than my own.

Now I see your evidence in the desert,

I see your hand & work through my struggle.

I see how you blessed me not only through, but with my addiction & depression.